Finding out my numerology was a 2, 5, 7 through the fabulous book by Dan Millman I discovered my life path is to find freedom through discipline! Yuck, I thought, who wants discipline? I had enough of that as a tiny five year old in a convent school in Barnet where the nuns sent naughty children to stand in the corner (this was a very long time ago!). I was so terrified to be singled out I used to shiver with good behaviour.

I now see how most of my life has been about resisting structures because I thought they imprisoned me – and when I did choose to be in a structure I was always proved right. Of course! (I didn’t know then that focus creates reality.) I gave up a place at University to hitch around Europe, deliver boats, and play – that meant quite a lot of drinking and a serious amount of promiscuity. Well, it was before all the AIDS scare and it made me feel less insignificant than I did most of the time.

I always worked for myself and yet when I created a ‘business’ even that structure felt too much and I ended up having to do things which I didn’t enjoy and wasn’t very good at. I ended up feeling resentful. No wonder it didn’t thrive financially. Relationships weren’t much better and even though I didn’t think I was the commitment phobic one I haven’t managed to stay in a relationship for that long and have shied away from them altogether over the last three or four years.

Thinking about it there seems to be structure everywhere, even in friendships when people ‘see’ me a certain way and then I feel I have to conform to that too, or upset them – and I don’t attract conflict if I can help it! Way too scarey.

And all these years I thought I was living free – and yet reading what I’ve written I can see how cleverly I had imposed my own prison around me with so much avoidance and resistance going on. My prison had walls so gossamer transparent I haven’t even seen them. Aren’t we simply the most brilliant creators even when it’s sub-conscious?

The personal growth path has had me in its thrall for the last twenty five years too, with glimpses of being just ‘me’, but they remained glimpses. I was left with that hungry feeling you get when your nutrition isn’t spot on. Weird, how you can be full of food and still be hungry. Maybe mastery is where the true nourishment lies. But then mastery felt like discipline and structure and we know I don’t do that, right?

Well, I didn’t do it.

In December last year I found myself participating in a workshop with Darren Eden and two things he said, and then demonstrated, had a major impact on me – like a bulldozer stopping a fly (but without the crushing death bit). He said we don’t need to know ‘how’, and we should ‘hang with the tension’ rather than resolve it. The ‘how’ is our ego’s need to know and survive at all costs, rather than our all knowing intuition sharing its quiet but true voice. Hanging with the tension allows us to stay creative, whereas resolving it in favour of the known is another need of the ego. He then went on to show us how to access our deepest intuition in the most effortlessly enjoyable way.

I was fascinated. If this was all true it would revolutionise my life.

Well, it is and it did.

And the funny part is that it is a structure – and now I love this structure – this discipline. I find it effortless, enjoyable and transformative. I have changed the way I respond to life when I access my intuition in this brilliantly structured way. Working with this intuitive structure gives my work a shine I could only imagine, but not experience, before.

This structure crept up on me and I discovered this was something I wanted to master. I am starting to see how I create freedom through this discipline – freedom to be and express so much more of me than I have ever done before; freedom to choose so much more for myself; freedom to be seen and not hide; freedom to live the life I have always wanted and never truly believed was more than wishful thinking and imagination. Oh yes, I now have freedom to imagine, and imagine, and imagine!

If you want more freedom follow this link and take action! Freedom here I come.