As usual I was tuning in to my path and checking in to the vision, my current reality and the all important next obvious step to take. The part which amused me most was the symbol for my current reality which informed me of the games and subterfuges my ego will play when it can – and I only just caught it!

The symbol I received was a miner coming back home after a hard day at the coal face, satisfied with the work he’d done. He chucked his hat and coat to the side as if to say ‘yes, well done lad’ to himself. Then he sat down to wait for his wife to bring him dinner. What was obvious to me was his satisfaction at work well done and I interpreted the meaning from there. Knowing the level of compassion I’d felt for my ego at the outset I was pleased to see that there was no sense of unworthiness here, no sense of not belonging, no sense of lacking capacity or of needing control – the usual suspects in my belief wardrobe. Mmm, I thought – I am moving on here, excellent. And with a sense of my own satisfaction let that symbol go…..

Out of the corner of my inner eye I saw the miner leave stage right and as he did so he seemed to remove a mask from his face to show he wasn’t really a miner after all. It was so easy to miss or disregard but it also was such a flaunting thing to do – he almost winked at me. And then I got it….

He’d also felt smug, self-satisfied and in control. He had power over his wife who did his bidding. How interesting that I’d failed to see these apparently positive feelings as being just as ego based as negative! There he was expressing me at the other spectrum of those same beliefs – mainly capable and in control.

And my obvious course of action? Record it all!

Could nature have created something that shouldn’t, but does?

Personally I don’t think nature is in the habit of creating anything pointless, even though I wonder about blue bottle flies sometimes.

The bumble bee fascinates me so I did a little bit of googling research today and discovered that it finds honey and nectar but only in sufficient quantities for its own family - not the sort of employee you’d want in your honey conglomerate. For making honey you need honey bees. I also discovered that when you find a live but very sleepy bee, it’s not dying, it’s just in a sort of hibernation, so leave it where it is all cosy and warm.

Now imagine that you come across a baby bumble while mummy bumble (is that a mumble?) is off getting nectar for its breakfast and you tell it in very clear terms that its un-aerodynamic and mathematics proves that it can’t fly. If you told it long enough and hard enough do you think it might just begin to believe you? It might if its mummy never came home and you were left to raise it with this extraordinary, but understandable, belief.

Then one day you come across a bit of scientific news you hadn’t chanced upon before. You read that Oxford University has been exploring the bumble bee and its flying capacity. From observing them in smoked filled wind tunnels the students found that it’s a very strange little beast indeed; with wings that beat independently from each other, making them extremely inefficient. It seems that with their big thorax they use power over efficient streamlining and co-ordination. The idea that they couldn’t fly at all was based on the aerodynamic theory of 1918/19 which has evolved substantially since then.*

So what do you say to your little bee now? Sorry? You can fly after all.

But of course he was able to fly all the time, he just didn’t believe he could.

How many possibilities do we discard daily because we believe they’re impossible?

How many dreams do we discard because we think we’ll fail?

How long are you prepared to wait until you find the right evidence?

Are you ready to play?

*Source: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/05/090507194511.htm

It took me a while to get my head around this and then I started to get it. Once you know intuitively what your heart wants, then there is an obvious next step but nothing else to worry at, or try and force. More a matter of allowing things to unfold in an effortless manner – a very different way of being than my usual constant poking and prodding at something to make it blossom.

So we tuned in and my obvious next step was to let go of my safety net and step in to the unknown. Okay, that’s fine and dandy with a glass of wine or three in the belly giving that wonderful alcohol infused courage but another thing entirely in the morning light.

As I write this I remember the film called The Abyss when the main character goes in to the deep knowing he only has enough air for the downward journey. We see him down so deep its pitch dark and his mind is going fuzzy and his oxygen is running out. You know that death is but a cold grey whisper away….

And then out of the abyss comes the most beautiful light and for a while it’s not clear whether he’s actually died or if he’s being rescued by beings not native to our planet.

Taking the leap of faith to go in to the abyss was his road to salvation.

I’m teetering on the edge of the abyss of not knowing – I’ll let you know how I get on.

Sadly, part of the result of being so insistent I don’t raise my heart beat above my normal static level is that I’m now a little on the fat side. Did I say that? Oh my god, did I use the word fat in a description of me? I’ve been trying to avoid that too. But diets of course are yet another portal in to a skin deep relationship with oneself, let alone others. Oh yes, I’m also pretty unfit…ok, very unfit.

Rock and a hard place – unless magic works – and it hasn’t turned me in to the Aphrodite I’d love to be, yet. What an admission.

BUT I have found the solution….play like a child.

Ingredients for a cardiovascular workout which feels like playing…….

At least 16 sq ft of clear space – inside or out, you choose.

Favourite dance music – but you’re not going to dance.

One Hula Hoop.

I’m still re-learning how to keep the hoop spinning around my belly but at least I can catch it before it hits the floor now. It’s a really good workout which I don’t even notice as I have such a laugh. This morning I managed to hula through four tracks of eighties dance music although I have to admit half that time was stopping the hoop from hitting the floor.

No gym membership fees, no special lycra outfits designed for those who look gorgeous already, and no feeling like an idiot in front of anyone but my cat. Ticks all my boxes. What about yours?

This has been happening to me for a number of days…well weeks…months actually, possibly even years. I hang my head in shame. How come I didn’t do anything about it before? Like what? you’ll hear me whine, with a note of defence in my voice. What can I do about getting older, the inexorable passage of time, blah blah blah. That old chestnut. That old excuse.

If you’ve come across me before online you’ll know I’ve been spouting on about magic and how I’ve always been looking for it since I was a child. And this is true. Ever since my father told me that Narnia doesn’t exist I have been trying to prove him wrong. I’ve found a lot of magic in my life here and there, through many different self development courses I’ve attended and yet I’ve not mastered one of them.

This year I’ve made 4 commitments – which is a refreshing change already!

1. My health is my priority. I’ve finally understood that if I’m not healthy everything else is compromised – my effectiveness and enjoyment of my work, being able to fully participate and enjoy my social life, and actually my ability to enjoy life at all.
2. I’m in on-going training to be a Magician – not the sort who pulls rabbits out of hats, but the sort who plays with life and lives in the flow.
3. Sharing my own wisdom through writing and audio. ‘Bout time.
4. Living in accordance with what my heart really want to do.

If I can at last live the life I truly want, and be the person I know I am underneath all the assumptions, judgements and beliefs, then I will be able to share my own wisdom as well as help support getting other peoples wisdom ‘out there’ too.

What have you committed to this year?

Today our special guest was Jan Mennell who is a Doula based in Exeter in the UK. We found out what a Doula is and what a Doula does…

Hear Garth on the latest Sound Alternatives show, recorded 9th April, 2009.

The hopes, fears, origins and philosophy, plus alternatives to money…

Ecstasy is a big concept, intense and outrageous opening you to a wild, loving and abundant reality. It’s a gift you make room for and not something that you create. When you have a degree of ease in your own skin— relishing the sensuality ofyour body and the pulsing of the life force—you’re opening the ‘ecstasydoor’.